Having endured the torture of waking up every morning, withstood the test of my patience in the morning trains I struggle getting into, I reach the office at about 0855 hrs every morning. With some hiccups, I reach at 9 or slightly after.
In the beginning few weeks, the first thing I wld do when I reached the office, other than switching on my pc, I wld mark a cross on my calendar. Of late, I haf made myself accumulate 3 or 4 days before I mark the crosses, in an attempt to make myself feel that time is passing more quickly.
Jus as I begin to feel many days have passed, I do a count, only to realise that there are more ahead. Still, I did not let that bring me down. I soldier on; but no matter how strong I am I have my weak moments. Moments which I cant really afford to have.
N so the day wld end probably at 9 plus at nite, if I do not have any appointment that day. By then, I m burnt out.
Why do I work hard?
Becos I have a portfolio. One which I aim to complete. One which I have to complete.
Becos I want to make the holiday in December happen.
Why do I not blog?
No energy to? No mood to? Or maybe becos I have lost interest in blogging cos I subconsciously feel that I have found ppl to listen to me in person. N I do not wan to rely on virtual space to vent my feelings.
Notwithstanding the above, here I am, doing jus what I do not want to do.
Daily routine includes: Checking the SIA website, checking the US currency rates, checking ur blog.
These past few days many things happened. I m scared. I m frustrated. I m tired.
I need sleep. Plenty of it. The sad thing is, I havnt been sleeping well n I cant sleep much.
I have a big bruise on each of my legs; I have no idea how I got them. I only rem bumping into my desk at work the other day.
I wasnt trying to be difficult. I really wasnt.
********
Alrite, enuf of the nonsense. Looking back, I mus say I have done well. The past 2 mths havnt been easy, but I have been able to get through it. No crying alone, no threatening Bao to make him come back at once, no nothing. Occasional hiccups here n there, but we have done well Baobao.
Bao, I noe u miss me. I miss u too. I have been taking good care of myself. Promise u will too? I m gg to bed. Headache's giving me a hard time. Nite nite to me.
I am Missy Rissy.
I believe in living the world, n living your worth.
I want to be happy more than anything else.
I want to be who I am.
I am who I am.
