Itz amazing how small the world actualli iz, or to put in more exact terms, how small Singapore iz. Was reading quite a few blogs, n realised mani r actualli frens of frens. Itz fascinating how some ppl seem to noe everione in the world, n disturbing how I seem to be stuck in my own world at times.
I haf undergone mani changes, in my way of thinking, my way of life n the things I dare n dare not do. Slowly but surely I m evolving bac to the way I originalli was, n I mean ORIGINALLI. Before secondary sch even. Dat was the real mi, or was dat not? I haf a perfect picture of how I wan myself to be, but each time as I feel I haf achieved it, I seem to fall short of it somehow.
Ahead of mi lies mani challenges, maybe the biggest in my life yet. I m currently undergoing one, on a way, n next up iz the exams. Itz the toughest sem I haf had in Singapore, n the modules r the toughest thus far, including the GE. I havnt mentioned to anione wat happened to the GE, for even I m not sure if I haf the courage to face it. Maybe itz easier to juz say it out, get reprimanded, n move on. But somehow I m choosing the easy way out, n it shows nothing but a lack of courage.
My life recently has been filled wif sighs, sadness, stress, but of coz I still haf laughters when I m wif my frens. Much as I wan to be a loner, I noe I can nv do it becoz I m juz not one. Often I think to myself, n I wori bout my life when I m old. I m scared of being bored, afraid of having nothing to do, worried bout wat no one can ever gimme an ans to. I think too much at times, I noe.
Had a mahjong session yesternite - it was special, becoz it was my first time playing wif Shifu, YQ, n an ang moh, my new-found Swedish fren, Johan. Things were a lil hilarious becoz Johan had to attend a Chinese lesson b4 the game, as the wan4 zi3s were in Chinese characters. He oso had to learn to identify the dong1, nan2, xi1, bei3, of coz wif the help of some translation into English words. Lots of bimbotic actions went on last nite, wif generous contribution from Shifu n mi. I spent a long time searching in my camera pics I had taken prior to last nite onli to realise veri much later dat I did not haf the memory card inside the camera - it was still inside my card reader. Okie, there were others I think but my brain has chosen to filter away some other things which I did. Haha. Shifu, on the other hand, erm, I cant rem specificalli wat he did. To put in simple terms, he was himbotic. At least last nite he was, maybe onli a lil if he insists.
Enjoyed the mahjong session last nite. Though I played wif a guilt pricking. I ought to be studying or slping, my mind keeps telling mi. The three of the kakis went for supper/breakfast while I returned to my room at 4 plus in the morning. Unhealthy lifestyle. Juz cldnt bring myself to go ahead wif them for the meal, though I havnt eaten prata for the longest time.
Lazy Sat afternoon it iz, with the weather not making the attempt to make it better. The weather iz making mi lethargic. Boo. But at least I m surviving. Made the decision to study wif SBB before gg home, n I c dat he has oredi concussed. Lazy pig.
Alrite shall continue when I get home. So mani thoughts on my mind recently. Not sure if I noe how to put them in words though.
I am Missy Rissy.
I believe in living the world, n living your worth.
I want to be happy more than anything else.
I want to be who I am.
I am who I am.
